Thanks for never using the garden tools
I loaned you, which you never returned.
I’ve been watching.
You won’t have any tomatoes this summer.
Thanks for being so nice to my dog.
I saw you slip her treats
so one of us would like you.
Thanks for having no tomatoes this summer.
I would’ve trained my dog to eat them.
Even though you don’t have a wife
for my wife to know, thanks
for getting to know my wife.
I know you’ll try to have her
slip off her useless garden clogs
and walk a little softer on your floors.
A lot, a lot, of thanks—
I won’t have any tomatoes this summer.
Thank you— for I trust myself. I had a hunch about you,
and loaned you the garden tools
so you’d prove me right.
