Dysthymia

It’s okay to hate      that    in your story someone
does save you     you     the girl still in bed     with an
Usagi plushie       you       the irremediable child of an irremediable
man           it’s okay      to hate        that a man
is your love         that you could be
moved        so     beyond your own history     that you   could           love
him    a him       and     now it’s quiet       love     that thing you       hoped
would torture you      because that’s all it ever did like the cells of your body      the chariot
of inner work    keeping you alive      against your will
love works like the body     your body
the one    softened on his breath      in every bed
     He      keeps you alive against your will        that liquid thrum
you never thought    to notice your heart     to drop your awareness
over    it      and now it calls for someone, rooted in the peat of another
it’s okay that you needed to be saved     to begin with
to shatter meant    you felt the pain and responded
a break      creates a space          and an exit
notice its     hum      a    song in your body       not a dirge or jeremiad
rain      respite             relieve
it’s okay        that you live
because it      pleases     him