MY OLD MAN
My old man was a strict old man.
My old man kept a tight leech on my sister.
My old man said, "she's not coming in this house at
all hours of the night as long as she's living here."
My old man made my sister cry when he beat her with a "switch."
My old man cheated on my mama while I was in her belly.
My old man was a high school quarterback.
My old man took me to get a haircut at Lee's Barbershop.
My old man wanted me to be just like him.
My old man is a liar and cheat.
My old man is a dirty old man.
My old man will only eat vanilla ice cream.
My old man prefers small towns to big cities.
My old man knows a lot about fixing and building things.
My old man leaves dirty socks and underwear on the floor.
My old man went to jail.
My old man crawled on his hands and knees on the
living room floor when sheriffs shined their
flashlights in the sliding glass door.
My old man in handcuffs at four in the morning.
My old man pinned to the floor half-naked
at four in the morning by U.S. Marshals.
My old man faked a heart attack in jail.
My old man cried when his mama died.
My old man served in Vietnam and got a hunting knife
for his tour of duty.
My old man drives a beat up old dodge.
My old man has arthritis in his knees.
My old man tried to beat my mama, but she wasn't having that.
My old man called me a sissy.
My old man taught me how to drive when I was fourteen.
My old man had a VW and named it "Blue Magic."
My old man stole packages of steak, chicken,
and ground beef out of Winn Dixie.
My old man's brother eats raccoons and squirrels.
My old man eats hog head cheese, souse and pickled pig feet.
My old man has old friends who want to know
when I'm going to go out for football.
My old man has bad breath.
My old man has dirt under his fingernails.
My old man fell out of a tree and broke his shoulder.
My old man puts too much milk in his cereal.
My old man only eats corn flakes.
My old man is old-fashioned.
My old man has a nappy beard.
My old man is an embarrassment.
My old man wears my shirts and shoes.
My old man yells and curses
when his favorite basketball team is losing.
My old man suffers from hay fever.
My old man jacks off tight beneath the flower-printed comforter.
My old man takes a long crap.
My old man stinks up the bathroom.
My old man knows I'm gay, but we don't talk about it.
My old man violated his probation.
My old man served eight months in jail.
My old man likes hot sauce on everything.
My old man leaves dirt in the bathtub.
My old man's best friend suffered and died
from a heart attack while cutting his yard.
My old man's white tank tops.
My old man is 'pussy-whipped.'
My old man's old jockstrap from high school.
My old man leaves pee on the toilet.
My old man shakes my hand instead of hugging me
at my college graduation.
My old man likes coconut cake.
My old man's middle name is Edward.
My old doesn't know who I am.
My old man is a FAMU Rattler.
My old man watches me swishing down the hall.
My old man is like a lot of old men.
I love my old man.
I hate my old man.
INCREDIBLE TV PACKAGE
Back of my head to the hour and front
Jay Baker from Florida State
of the younger demographic
If you don't love it, send it back
that is a further problem
my last words to you, 640lbs of hot chocolate
Five miles per hour
I'm looking through this key hole
love the whole feeling of it
She's ripping off the insurance company
Dealing with their budget contraints
could be problematic
in the next thirty minutes
we'll take one full payment
It's good to make the entire leaguge
beg for mercy long period of time
this incredible TV package
gonna jump off the down, man
from Purina One brand
Chris was taken into custody
and we made the deal on the phone
and over and over I cry
being a hero without being hated
the Aryan Brotherhood
a full money back refund
and then the clean air
is accelorated into the room
he is essentially right, wake up call
black babies born out of wedlock
become the secret voice of a generation
800 mhz front side bus
and sometimes actually save them
that's fit for a queen he tried to impress her
by ripping a phone book in half there was
no anxiety worked as a teller at the local Bank of America
The Trikke is the next best thing
this is heavy-weight flannel my brother-in-law
just drove up do you ever see Andy Jr. the movement
and number of these extraordinary fish
get real relief this summer, sweet heart I want you
to stop worrying about me four deliveries in the week
before the rape I just don't want to answer your question
he's still a danger, Jennifer that's for a jury to decide sure, please
I hope you find peace shut up you freak material witness order
approach the bench we just happen to disagree you know
how women are, Tom Hello? Tom, are you there? Come here
big guy she's our only witness and our backs
are against the wall who's naughty on this plane don't miss
Richard Gere and Edward Norton in Primal Fear raped in prison
you got me the wheelchair folds up if you want justice, go to a whore
house ala lavista, baby probably means we'll never see another one
do you feel it in the tabloids all the time can take a better photograph
than me because the next few minutes could change your life not to mention
your skin this is going to be one of your favorite bracelets I can
assure you of that what any intelligent person would do went
to the hospital... the Sadaam hospital to visit my wife there's
alot of rednecks here only on the travel channel it's good to be full
Shane Allison was born and raised in Florida where he attended Florida State University and recieved his B.A. in English and soon migrated to New York where he recieved his MFA at New School University. He has had poems published in Velvet Mafia, Unlikely Stories, The Glut, Fifth Street Review, Coal City Review, Chiron Review, Spent Meat, New Delta Review, Redneck Review, Mississippi Review, and others. He has work forthcoming in Frigg Magazine, Ink Magazine, and Gents, Badboys and Barbarians: This New Breed. His chapbook Ceiling of Mirrors is out from Cynic Press.